The OC

smart living @ 10:13 p.m. on December 19, 2004

wow ive had a long 24 hours. went to joker night club last night, got home at like 3:30. it was pretty fun. i got drunk. hadnt been drunk in a while. so then i probably got to sleep around 4. then i had to wake up early to help erica move!

i thought i had slept in, too! but it turns out i was the first person to get there. i felt like i didnt do much. ive never really ever helped anyone to move, so i didnt really know what to do! and i was sooo weak too! so i didnt do too much heavy lifting. and it was so damn cold outside! but we did it.

so thats pretty much it. seeing erica move out, has made me want to move out. i cant really afford to move out on my own really. so thats out of the question. but i want to move out.

in the last year, i have seen krystle and kevin have a baby, Emily get engaged and married, cindy get married, dianna move in to an appartment, krystle and kevin get engaged, erica move out to an appartment. and i have done????? yeah pretty much nothing, i bought a car oh wooo. i do love my car, but is it really that big of an accomplishment?

i have been putting money away for savings. the main thing i need to do is pay off my car loan, pay my credit card bills, and pay my car insurance. and out money in my rrsps. i need to save money for when i move out. i cant wait to one day. i really want to start my life. i feel like i am not moving as quickly in ANY aspect of my life, as i would like. there are many things i want. i want to move out. i want to get married, i want to have children one day ( not too soon, justin is good enough for moi). i want to have nice things. i want to be wanted! is that too much to ask?

i have my own car, which is something that i can say 100% is mine. not my parents, mine. and the banks.... but mine. but thats it. thats one peice of freedom. i need the full picture. i want the full picture . i want my life to start now. thats my focus this coming year. thats my new years resolution. to start my life. or continue it, you know...

i just cant believe it. over this past year i have seen so many changes, SO many, that i feel like i am moving slow. and that im really getting older! this sort of sets it out for me. like its really happening! im really getting older, im really growing up. i need to push past the price chopper world of employment. that was fun, in streetsville days, probably the best job ive had, and the most fun and memories ill take with me from a jjob. but its run its course. only me and shaun and emily still work for the chopper now.... now adays, its like were getting dishes for christmas and getting excited! thats really saying something. and i cant believe it.

but although i do want to plan for my future, and make sure that i will be ok then, u cant forget about the here and now. and thats something that i know someone else is doing. its greta to plan, dont get me wrong, but the actions u do now will reflect upon ur future. and u must act with care now in order for the future. you cant just put it aside, or say whatever happens happens. yes thats somewhat true, but u cant base everything on that i think. i dont know. i just think that sometimes life can be stressful enough planning for our futures that people forget about enjoying their lives now. who knows, u might not ever live to see tomorrow. and i personally want to know that ive lived my life to the fullest as i could, in order to be a happy person. that means jhaving fun, letting lose, planning for the future yea, being responsible, but also taking risks, and enjoying my life. i dont think i have done enough of the enjoying my life in this past year. i learned to take nothign for granted! cars, people.. everything. life. you never know whats gonna happen. so i think in that aspect, i have lived a good life. i have regrets. some large some small. but i also know i made every attepmt in every aspect to try to rectofy those regrets, and make every attepmt to get what i want. and i know my not having whatever it is that i want at any time is not a reflection of myself being lazy or whatever.

i think THAT is smart living. i dont think you could say uve done it all, or uve been smart about ur future if u havent. because then in the future all ur gonna do is sit aroundin ur nice house with ur nice cars, and ur nice furniture on early retirement, wondering why u didnt take that one risk, that could have made ur life better in the end.

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