The OC

crappy day @ 11:09 p.m. on December 30, 2004

well talk about the typical ending to this year for me... it seems that nothing will happen the wayi want it to... and i am about to pull my hair out of my head.

i am so confused. i think i am confused. but then again, is there really anything to be confused about?

i had the best two days in a row that i have had in a long, long time. things were seeming to go well. we went to a movie, i went to his house this morning, (for which i had to rearange my work schedlue for within 24 hours), and i fell asleep there. the most peaceful sleep i had had in a long time. id say the most peaceful sleep since valentines day this year. and i only slept for like 2hours. but it was so nice. and my day seemed to go really well. went to woek, and then came home. was really bored, playing the sims, which i was basically just decorating the place (speaking of which it wont let me get my family to move into a larger home, and i cant figure it out, i forgot, so if anyone remembers please tell me), and i watched 2 hours of OC with my brother.

then i came online, only to have my stomach fall to the floor. i just dont get it, i dont understand double talk, or the technicalities in words. i feel like i get it one minute. but then it goes the other way the next. then its in between. i just dont know why what i have done and said isnt enough, why it isnt bringing me any closer to what i want. i know u dont always get what u want, i know that. im not a spoiled bitch, i do know that. im just very frustrated. and i cant wait for this year to be over. i cant wait for it to be a brand new year. nothing good has happened for me.

Here are the GOOD things that have happened:

*got two new friends
*justin was born
*Emily got married
*Cindy got married
*krystle and kevin get engaged
*I got a new car (i do have to say the hottest cleanest car on the road! ;) haha)
*maybe the last month or so, bits and peices

ooohhh yeah, thats great. what accomplishments for me. only about 3 of those are actually mine. and the new car- well that set me back in cash. i love it, but could have done with the olds. The last month- have been up and down, and like i said, chunks were good. The two new friends- thats probably been the best. not to sound so corny, but its true. i dont know how i would have made it through a lot of tough times without them.

so here it is, the night before the last day of the year. and i couldnt be happier that the year is almost over. maybe this next year will be a lot better. i hope so.

Ť || ť