The OC

PISSED OFF! @ 11:55 p.m. on February 08, 2005

k i just got home from the cedarcroft store in toronto, and i am feeling very bitter. why? because my day has just NOT gone the way i wanted it to.

a) morning was boring and sucked
b)my family seems to think i have no clue what im doing on the highway, because they werent understanding what i was talking about for the express on the 401
c) sheppard was closed off of alan rd, so i had to find an alternative way to get to bathurst, which would be finch, and almost got lost
d) the store was broing, and i had less to do in the beginning then the other stores
e) i had a phone call from freda at the albion store who TOTALLY fucked things up with her computer, and i *TRIED* TO HELP HER BUT SHE MADE IT WAY WORSE! and kept me on the phone fro a friggen half hour, which meant i had less attention for the girls who i was supposed to be helping, and in turn THEY fucked up, and i had to stay till 11 pm. and that isnt even fixed, so the office girls in the morning are gonna have a lot of work to do, and i feel bad for them. so that makes me look like a dumb ass. when really we should have been out of there at like, 10:30 max.
f) i had to detour to diannas and alysias house to drop off a cd which was my fault for not dropping it off yesterday while i was there
g) a train was there on the way home
h) there is no one on line to talk to, and im feeling very sorry for myself and sulking, which is not attractive or mature.
i) im just not in a good mood

so thats why im in a pissy mood. and im bitter.

also feeling a bit bitter, because i did a good thing on sunday, after i thought i was gonna have a huge let down, but i didnt sort of... and it was sucha good night, and then the next day - zippo. and today... zilch. maybe ill continue with nada tomorrow. this type of lifestyle really sucks u know. and most of it im doing to myself. like, i dont think i deserve to be treated this way. like im not good enough for certain things. and its starting to get to me. i have put in so much effort and its like it doesnt even matter.who knows thats probably the problem. a lady at the bridlewood store was talking about one of the cashiers who flirts with the frito lay rep, and said theres nothing worse than a woman who throws herself on a guy. run the other way and they coming running after u. u run after them, they run the other way. nmaybe i should be listening to my elders. i just feel like i have to constantly prove im still here, which is painfully obvious so i dont know why i think that. i guess incase i was forgotten????

dianna said i need a tad hamilton, and then hed prob feel very jealous. i doubt that very much. i dont think he gets jealous when it comes to me. if he does then he hids it well. but then again i dont really bring up the times that guys hit on me or ask me out or anything. not generally something u tell someone ur trying to get with. or hoping to get with. but i know that there have been and are guys that want to go out with me. i just wish he knew. or felt some sort of jealousy. or felt something! if anything, it would probably just make him back down even more, if that were possible.

this is what my life has become. pretty sad i know. im stuck in a huge rut and it sucks. im trying to get another job, and its not coming fast enough. im trying to get back my ex boyfriend, and thats not coming fast enough. im trying to get out of the stores im supporting early, and theyre not working fast enough. im trying to get my hair back to blonde, thats not going fast enough. i want things a lot faster than they come! when am i gonna have my break?! when am i gonna have my time?! my fun?! this just flat out sucks. im so bored with my life right now. im bored with everything. i just wish ONE of the above would happen. i wish once i would be asked to do something instead of me always asking to do something! i just wish once i would get a nice message for no reason! or a PHONE CALL. i wish once i could get out of the stores im supporting a hell of a lot earlier! I wish just once one of those stores would close at 9! I wish just once that i could get an awesome job, and not have to worry about training other stupid ass stores and getting them out fast! i wish once my hair would go the color that i want it to go without it taking months! i wish just once, i would have a really great day, and it wasnt followed but a week of unhappiness. and i wish once that i would get back all of the effort that was put in, and that i would be appreciated and loved as i have appreciated and loved. because i think i am being taken for granted by a lot of people and a lot of things. and im sooooooo sick of it.

i feel like im used in every aspect! urgh! i need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!

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