The OC

- @ 11:39 a.m. on February 28, 2005

I just got home from sleeping at Dianna ans Alysias.I decided I needed to be drunk. So I was. We had a pretty good time. Then I realized that alcohol will actually let me sleep! I slept!

And I had the best dream I've had in the last few weeks. And I did not want to wake up. I am surprised I had the dream, and happy that I did cause it's better than a nightmare, but at the same time I don not like having it. Because it is toooo goood. But to wake up from a nightmare is always the best feelin. Because you know that it's not real and that your life is actually better than the dream. And your happy to wake up. Well with the dream I had last night I would rather sleep forever and never wake up.

But I did, and I woke up to my cell ringing with the CSM from Parkdale, the store I just did this week, who ran into a problem. I half told her how to fix it, and the other part I really didn't know what she did. So she had to call Jan.

So I am awake and back at home now.

I have to go to the court house today to request a trial for one of my stupid parking tickets. I am so fighting it.

I tyhink I need a whole lifestyle change right now. A new job, which I haven't found yet, A new way of thinking. Living on my own would be so nice. I would love to do that. I want to be a happier person and have no regret. And I have so much regret its not funny.

I guess I know what I lost, and if I have the slightest chance, no matter how small, I don't want to let that slip away. Or not take a chance. Because I am so full of regret. Maybe one day I won't be, who knows. But life is not as easy as I thought it was a year and a half ago. Not even close. I feel like I'm so cynical now, and that I'm not as open as I used to be. I know not as happy as I used to be, but I've lived with that. I feel like I've grown up soo much, and can see most things from a way better perspective. I wish sooo osoo badly I could just go back to where everything began, starting in highschool, and do it all over again. I took sooo much for granted, and thought that certain things would always be there. Now I see that's wrong. Nothing lasts forever. Well, most things don't anyways...

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